is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
