There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
