im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
