Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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