Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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