Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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