im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
