your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
