girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
