Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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