the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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