Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
