I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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