who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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