Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
