Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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