I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
