TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
