fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
