naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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