On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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