i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
