Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
