Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
