seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
