Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The uberlube is also flammable
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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