I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
