I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
