I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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