Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
