I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
