i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
