It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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