Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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