Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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