I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
