what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
