Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
