god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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