Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
