how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
