they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
