Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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