I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
