I think I am morally bankrupt
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
