You're so nebulous sometimes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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