you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
