i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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