Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
