He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
