We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
