I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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