how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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