you would pick up someone in the library
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
