Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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