You can't motorboat a personality
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
